ilovemonkeiz

location: My room.

mood: stressed

music: Boys Like Girls.

It's been ages since I've cried. I seriously can't remember the last time I did. Well, I totally killed that today. I'm beyond stressed about school and how shitty my grades are, tennis practice has been killing me, and my mom just LOVES to find reasons to be pissed at me. And to top it all off, the one person I really want to talk to right now isn't even talking to me. In short, my life is purely fucked. I seriously didn't know I had so much karma stacked up against me that the world could just plain screw me over.
So now I'm crying and so pissed off that I just said screw my homework and chucked my notebook, math book, and flashlight across the room. So when my grades come and it's showing me close to fucking my future over, I'll be sure to tell my bitch-faced mother it's mostly her fault.
It's like she doesn't even care. I mean, she thinks I'm doing well in school. Reality check: I'm not. Math is just fucking up my brain and English has just been stressing me the hell out. That's the one class I really can't stand anymore. English is just... I don't even fucking know.
I had a theory that since I wasn't going to the tennis match today, I'd come home and do math homework. Well, my mother decided we'd go to Wal-Mart to get shit for my fucking PERFECT sister's baby shower. So I got home even later than I had planned. Then I started my work and my mom has yet to learn how to shit on her own and dragged me away from my homework. Then I ate. And I come back in my room and I just... I can't do my damn homework. It's confusing as hell and I never get the right answer until I've tried to solve for it about twenty times. One problem should not take me ten minutes, but it did.
Then no one is online for me to vent to, and I just.... I can't even handle all of this. This fucking pressure to be perfect. To get the best grades. To exceed the goddamn AIMS. To be good at sports. To be my sister. I don't want to be my sister. Any of my sisters. But then again, who would? One sister got knocked up at 17, the other at 16, and the last one couldn't keep her legs closed after she broke up with her fiance and before she came back here. Not to mention she did drugs. Probably still would if it wasn't for her being pregnant. My sisters are anything BUT perfect. So my mother can go screw herself over if she EVER thinks I'll be them.